


Hindsight

by Alistra (ALeaseInWonderland)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Endgame, F/M, Lack of Communication, Not A Fix-It, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Vormir, break it harder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24410482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALeaseInWonderland/pseuds/Alistra
Summary: SPOILERSfor Avengers Endgame“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.”― Kurt VonnegutSome things are left unsaid on Vormir.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Hindsight

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the ever-patient [CloudAtlas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudAtlas/pseuds/CloudAtlas) whose good advice I've deliberately and stubbornly disregarded on more than one occasion in this fic.  
> All remaining mistakes are exclusively my own.

The moment it registers just what price the Soul Stone requires, Natasha knows it has to be her who pays it. 

She doesn't jump to save Clint's life or for his wife and children. She takes a leap for all of those that have been lost among the galaxy, for those who love and who have been devastated by love's loss. The wind rushes in her ears, eyes locked on his as his world crumples yet again, as he clings desperately to her hand. She feels her chest constrict with the knowledge of how much he loves her, how he has loved her from the moment their eyes locked just like this. When he'd lowered his bow and stretched out his hand to offer her another life. 

It had been useful to begin with, knowing that his initial infatuation would drive him to protect her in a new precarious situation, working for an unpredictable new agency. He'd unexpectedly grown to be a good friend, once she'd allowed herself to get closer. He never crossed the line into unfaithfulness towards his wife, at least never with actions, and despite initial mistrust, it had been easy to win Laura over. It was, after all, what the Black Widow did: Give those around her the version of themselves they wanted to see, whatever she herself felt in return - but it wouldn't have been enough for the Stone, she was sure. 

A Black Widow couldn't love. The Red Room had taken the ability from her, severed it like a malicious growth, cut surfaces cauterized with fire over and over until there was nothing left of her heart for it to adhere to. She has made her peace with it.

"It's okay," she promises as she pushes away from him. He will mourn her and go on to save the world, hopefully reunite all of those lucky ones who love and are loved in return. If anyone's heart is big enough for the task it'll be that of Clint Barton: Patron Saint of Strays.

It is a shame, she thinks, as time slows and something bigger than either of them is triggered, static crackling in the air around her.

It's a crying shame they only met when she was already broken. If there is such a thing as a continued existence after death she realizes with a pang of regret that she will miss his silly faces. His attentiveness and ability to read her. Miss the silent accord they share. She’ll miss how his cheek dimples when he's trying not to laugh out loud; the particular way only he will hug her, unafraid to break her because he knows her strength as intimately as his own; how he never romanticizes the worst of her and for some reason loves her still. She's going to miss the flutter in her stomach when they share a private look across a crowded room and his reverent hands on the countless occasions they've patched up each other's wounds. The steadfastness of his heartbeat under her ear as she sleeps with her head on his chest, the only way to keep the memories and nightmares at bay during the worst nights. She will miss the knowledge that, despite what gods, monsters or aliens deigned to throw at them, she can always trust and count on him.

It is a shame Natasha doesn't know how to love, she thinks, when her eyes widen in realization one last time. If she did, the way she feels for Clint would probably be it.

The ground approaches, she feels it in the millisecond before all goes dark. 

Oh no.  
Maybe she should have told hi-


End file.
